Master Tim Coaching

Archive for November 2017

The Master’s Voice #12: The Collar

In last week’s ‘Day in the Life of a Slave‘ post my alpha slave mentioned that he usually wears a collar while he’s with me. A collar is a pretty familiar symbol in the BDSM world. In fact, there’s a pretty good chance that a particular image came to mind when you read the title of this post: a black leather collar with a metal ring used to attach a chain or leash, much like an oversized dog collar.

Collars are used in a multitude of situations in the BDSM world. They can be an accoutrement in bondage or general Dom/sub sessions, a public sign of submission or ownership at events, or a simply a symbol between a Master and his slave. The meaning of the symbol should be fairly obvious!

As I’ve said before, elements of a Master/slave relationship extend beyond just play sessions. My alpha slave doesn’t just wear a collar in the playroom – he wears it in all sorts of day-to-day- situations, from having breakfast to cleaning up the house. That might sound a bit surreal to you, but it feels perfectly normal to us. If it does seem weird, ask yourself why. After all, you likely wouldn’t find it strange for a slave to wear a collar during a bondage session in the playroom, so why is it strange to wear it in day-to-day life? That’s where the bulk of the Master/slave relationship takes place.

In fact, for my slave, wearing a collar is enjoyable because it’s such a simple yet effective reminder of his status as my slave even in the most ‘mundane’ of circumstances. It’s probably too trite a comparison to say that it functions like a wedding ring, but it is easy to see why people use that as an analogy; like a ring, the collar functions as both a simple accessory and as a representation for a particular relationship. (It’s also round, so I guess that helps as well…)

Some people arrange collaring ‘ceremonies’ to commemorate the official beginning of a Master/slave relationship. While I can see the appeal in that in some circumstances, alpha and I have a different approach. He never puts the collar on himself, nor does he take it off; I always do both of those things, which turns every time into a small ceremony in itself. It’s a continual reminder of what he means to us, and that’s where its true value lies.

img_9914_1230351I am always proud of my Alpha and the way he feels about wearing his collar. When he arrives he likes to bring his collar to me and there is some minor ritual in the way that I fasten it around his neck. Also at the end of the day I remove it before he sleeps. I see him wearing the leather band as he goes about the tasks of everyday life and it visibly defines the bond between us. I have previously mentioned that on our 10th anniversary together I locked a necklace on him, thus giving him a permanent reminder of his place and his Master.

Whether it is the traditional leather strap, a padlocked chain, a forged metal band, or some more discrete jewellery neck chain, the collar is the most significant item in the fetish gear toybox. This has come to signify ownership, belonging and control. The collar is a visible bond between the Dom and his slave but it is also a sign to others that this slave is the property of a Dom. 029 - Copy

There are protocols here although I see them abused by those who are untrained. For example many wear a padlocked chain as a fashion accessory and then wonder why other Doms show no interest in them. Availability is shown by an unlocked chain while the locked one declares that you are already ‘owned’.

There is also a big difference in the importance of a collar worn for the duration of a BDSM session and one worn on a more permanent or long term way. Of course in ‘pup’ play the collar is purely a tool for control and the sub would assume the role of a pup as soon as the collar is attached.

When you meet the Dom who is right for you. I hope he will place his collar around your neck. Yes His collar. Wear it with dignity and pride.