Master Tim Coaching

Posts Tagged ‘impact play’

The Master’s Voice #30: A Safety Checklist

This is the third and final part of our trip to the dark side of BDSM. As promised this is a quick look at some activity based hints and tips. I make no apology for reinforcing some of the important points covered previously.

My Ten Point Checklist for BDSM safety:

1. Negotiation and Agreement: Discuss and confirm your limits before you start.  This has been covered in some detail previously. As a novice you should be conservative with your agreed limits. As you develop confidence and trust with your partner these limits can be explored and expanded when you are ready and both in agreement.

2. Personal Safety: Set an absolute safeword. No conditions and no exceptions. Read my previous post regarding pre-session meetings and session safety. Remember to listen to your gut.

3. Cleanliness and Hygiene: Thorough cleaning of all sex toys and equipment after every session is essential. Antibacterial soap is good but the type of diluted bleach used to clean babies bottles etc is better. Never share toys between multiple partners in the same session or transfer toys from arse to vagina or to mouth. If using modern powder based lubricants which you mix yourself, store in separate labelled containers to avoid any cross contamination. Safe sex practices should be an absolute limit for all but beware of often forgotten contamination points such as eyes or bleeding gums.

4. Percussion and Impact Play: Much of this has been covered in the blogs on Spanking and I will in the near future be coming back to the broader topic of CP. There are however, some safety tips which are common to all forms of impact play including spanking, whipping, flogging, paddling, caning, birching, belting or lashing.

  • Know your own strength2da03669-c873-428c-b5cf-beb71f14d72c
  • It’s all physics in the end
  • Harder does not always mean better
  • Try every new implement yourself away from the scene
  • Be prepared for strong emotions to be roused in both the Dom and the sub (don’t lose control)
  • You may both be hurting after an intense session (e.g. spanking hands)
  • Be aware of the different effects of distance from the sub body
  • Be aware of your energy levels
  • Don’t let any implements wrap around a body surface unintentionally. The inertial force at the tip will be far greater than at any point along its length
  • Educate yourselves

5. Breath Play and Choking Hazards: This is quite possibly one of the most dangerous areas of all BDSM practice. If you are going to try any form of erotic asphyxiation, erotic strangulation, KO (knockout) or ‘gasping’ then I urge you to read everything that you can find on the subject first. There is no completely safe way to do this but I know that some of you will want to experiment, so be prepared. Ask all the relevant health questions of your partner but be aware that some heart conditions can exist that show no symptoms. I have heard of subs having heart attacks 15-20 mins after indulging in gasping so be aware and learn how to resuscitate! Take great care never to compress the throat area and make sure that when you collar your slave, that you can still get two fingers between the collar and the skin just as you would with your dog. Be mindful of any possible choking hazards such as ball gags and be always on the lookout for positional asphyxia situations as discussed last time.

6. Monitor Circulation: This is especially important when any bondage or restraint is applied to extremities. The Dom should check regularly for any changes in colour or temperature. The sub should also alert the Dom to any tingling, pins & needles sensations or numbness asap. Never ever leave bound or restrained subs unattended.

7. Sensation Play: Here I include a great many different activities from hot wax to cold ice, from TT to CBT, including nipple clamps, clothes pegs, humblers and chastity devices. Learn how to use them all and if possible practice outside of actual BDSM sessions. Sounding, needs great care and the correct equipment kept scrupulously clean. Figging, or the use of deep heat can effect the person applying as well as the sub. Keep water and wash cloths to hand. Hot wax torture is very popular but beware of the candles that you use since they are all far from equal. Beeswax candles and black candles can burn very hot. In fact all coloured candles tend to contain ingredients which can make them burn much hotter than any plain white paraffin wax examples.

8327870c-a714-4778-b440-14dec40fdc558. Stress Play: Any bondage or restraint play will cause stress to joints, bones and muscles so you should always be aware of undue pressure. Take great care with knees, shoulders, ankles, wrists, elbows and neck. Clearly the aim of the activity is to restrict movement and while it can be a big turn on to watch your sub struggling against the ties, you do need to build in some flexibility. Make sure that nerve pathways and areas of blood flow are not restricted. Be very aware that changing the position of the sub after you have tied them can change the stresses. If, for example, you have tied you sub’s arms behind his back whilst upright, but you then lay him down on his back, this could lead to a huge increase of pressure on wrists, elbows or shoulders which may not be visible to you.

9. Anal Play: If done correctly, arse play can and should be painless and intensely pleasurable for both parties. The success of this depends entirely on the preparedness both of the arse and the head. Relaxation is key but it needs to be mental relaxation as well as muscular. Use good water based lubricants (or silicone with toys), fingers, sex toys and lots of patience.

10. Expanding Limits: In the BDSM world you will often come across the terms hard and soft limits. Limits are the rules by which we protect ourselves but can also be the route to the journey of discovery and new experiences. Hard limits are non negotiable and must be respected. An violation of hard limits is non-consensual and the equivalent of rape. It is physical, physiological, or emotional abuse clear and simple. Soft limits are those that can be explored but they are still limits and so any changes must be taken slowly, carefully and only after full negotiation. Both participants need to be open and honest and neither one should compromise their limits just to please the other. Extending limits need not be only in one direction. By all means experiment but if the new activity is not for you then say so and reset the limits.tumblr_nfnlluBrUq1u2btldo1_1280

Some of you I’m sure will have found this series tedious but I hope it can be seen as a resource both for practitioners and for writers alike. Go explore and have fun. Build safety and common sense into all your activities. Know that there are few things sexier than a lover or playmate showing that they care,

The Master’s Voice #28: BDSM- The Dark Side.

Over the many months that I’ve been posting these blogs I’ve painted a picture of BDSM as a healthy, stimulating and fun activity. It has been very much my intention to promote the positive side of things. So am I now going to spoil that view? I do hope not, but there is a dark side to BDSM and it would be irresponsible of me not to talk about it. I have also had several questions from readers about what happens when things go wrong and it is time that I replied to them. I will discuss potential risks and then look at how best you can protect yourself from abuse or danger. I will also give some consideration to safe practice both before and during BDSM sessions.

Is BDSM dangerous? My short answer to that is no. Why do I say that?B7dcQffIQAAOCos There is no evidence to indicate that BDSM as a pastime is any more dangerous than any other leisure activity. It is measurably less dangerous than many sporting activities. As in most things it is not the activity itself which is dangerous but more usually the people doing it. The dangerous people are of two very distinct types. First we have the abusers who pose a danger simply because their world is a completely selfish one where they have no respect for their partner’s physical or mental well being. As such, their behaviour may appear more arrogant than assertive, but it is quite likely to manifest itself somewhere along a line from sociopath to psychopath.

Secondly, we have the ignorant. These may simply lack experience but it is with these people that accidents are more likely to occur through lack of knowledge, experience or understanding. This problem can be cured by education and experience but that needs an open mind and a desire to learn. I’ve been a practitioner for forty-five years but I’m still learning. In the early years it’s easy to think that you have become an expert after a few good experiences. Believe me the biggest misunderstanding is that you don’t know what you don’t know.

In the past I’ve been accused of scaremongering over my attitude to safety, usually by arrogant Doms who say that I am making a fuss over nothing because things never go wrong. Well I have news for them. Things can go wrong. Things do go wrong. Yes you should be afraid because like any risky activity undertaken, unless you educate yourself you are putting yourself and your partner in potential danger. What now follows, is an account of some of the things which have gone wrong for real people in real situations. Often the consequences are merely frustrating or embarrassing, sometimes they are painful and just occasionally they are tragic.

In my experience, the most common problems occur during hard cp sessions. I’ve known several subs who have taken severe beatings, canings or floggings far beyond anything they had agreed to. Occasionally this is the result of an over enthusiastic Dominant, but once in a while the Dom administering the beating either loses control or intentionally ignores the agreed safe word. I’ve know subs who have learned a painful lesson and had to walk (slowly!)away from a reckless Dom. Others however have been either physically or mentally scarred by the experience taking months to recover. Some have been so damaged by the betrayal of trust that they choose never again to submit to any Dom.

Possibly the least damaging scenario but apparently no less common complaint is the no-show. This may simply be a case of either a Dom or sub not showing up. It’s not uncommon for fake Doms to lead a sub on with online promises. Worst of all are those who arrange to meet and cause the victim to travel to an incorrect or even non-existent address. The most extreme example that I’ve come across was a Canadian sub who ‘groomed’ a dom who then flew from London to Toronto to spend two weeks with him. Of course on arrival there was nobody to meet him and all the contact details proved to be false. Hard and expensive lesson learned.

10441152_425732350917067_2963202687548291152_nOf course when the address is real that may also be a problem. I have had accounts from two subs in the past who have had to escape from houses where they arrived and felt trapped or threatened. Another young guy arrived at a Dom’s house for a session one Friday night. He was then restrained, drugged and both mentally and sexually abused for forty eight hours before he was released. Luckily he suffered no lasting physical damage but he has never submitted to another man again.

I could recount tails of drug misuse, hot wax burns, severe rope burns, inserted foreign objects, immovable cock rings and pin wheel misuse. There was also the Dom who insisted that he only practiced safe sex but changed his mind once his subs where tightly restrained. Another so called Master on two separate occasions that I know of, left subs to take themselves to hospital with broken arms!

There are just two more activities which I want to mention before completing this sad litany. I suppose they carry some weight with me because both have caused the deaths of subs who were known personally to me.

Bondage and restraint can provide the best of experiences in the hands of a skilled Dom. There are a few simple safety rules which will ensure an absence of risk. I will deal with these in more detail next time. Some years ago however, a well known gay sub on the London scene died when these rules were ignored. First he traveled to America to visit a couple of dominant men but left no details with anyone about where he was going or who he was meeting. It appears that this sub was left in restrictive bondage unattended, overnight. Some time during the night the poor guy choked and was found dead the following morning. The couple panicked and took the body to a remote area and buried it. Cutting a long story short, the guys were eventually caught and charged with the death.

My final warning involves breath play. I will also look in future at the dangers involved with this one but sometime ago I lost a good friend to the activity. The sub was a young guy who choose to experiment alone with nitrous oxide and auto-asphyxiation. The combination was lethal and sadly he also died alone.

That is more than enough doom and gloom for now. I do still maintain as an activity, BDSM is perfectly safe when an ecology of common sense prevails.

Next time, I will go through a list of suggestions for self preservation. I will also look at the really important but seldom considered topic of Positional Asphyxiation. There are many other danger points for the uninitiated and before anyone jumps up and down about these I have not mentioned everything here. I will come back to such things as safe sex, needle play, impact play, scarification, sounding, fisting etc.

Stay safe, share thoughts and above all, have fun!